What is tact?

“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.” - Isaac Newton

" Tact: Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including 

the ability to speak or act without offending." -the American Heritage Dictionary

     

    "For success in life, tact is more important than talent,"  or so said John Lubbock.  He went to to say that it is hard for those who do not come by the art of tact naturally to learn to apply it.  Still, he goes on to say that if one considers the wishes of others tact can be accomplished.  You can read the entire essay by pulling it up on my sidebar.  I found it very interesting and I have decided that for this week I am going to try and consider the wishes of others before my own. Now, that doesn't mean I go against my own principles or beliefs, for as Lubbock acknowledges, one must still be able to say no when necessary and appropriate, but saying no can be done while showing respect and restraint.
   
     Also, I am going to read  Lubbock's essay more closely and reflect upon it.  I'm sure I've already mis-interpreted something, misapplied some knowledge, overstepped boundaries, insulted someone, and made plenty of mistakes trying to become more tactful. I hope there's a little humor along the way and I hope I am not the only one attempting to become more tactful.

The Catalyst

     In the past year a few incidents have made me aware that common human decency is not so common any more. At least it is missing in many of my relationships.  This I blame on many things, one of which is this tool I am using, the internet and the false sense of intimacy it can lend to people and situations.  Take for instance my experiences with Facebook. In the past year I read, with horror and disbelief, of intolerance, prejudice, family squabbles, lover's quarrels, lover's intimacies, and ugly rumors. I read that a friend left her husband before he knew she had left him.  I learned that someone I thought open minded and fair is racist and cruel at heart... At first I was going to tell in detail about one such incident, but after reflecting on the rough draft I decided not to share the grisly, disturbing, disgusting details. I decided to practice what I am preaching and be tactful.  In the past, before the ease of communication that technology has afforded me, I was able to maintain friendly relationships and show decency to many people whom I no longer respect.   Once I believed that all humans deserved respect and dignity.  I am on a quest to regain that perspective.

     It's not just personal relationships where I see a lack of respect and tact.  Just watch the news and see the name calling and obscenities, the cruel hate crimes, and the intolerance of differing ideas that are portrayed daily.  Read a newspaper's editorial page.  What has happened to common courtesy and respect?  What has happened to doing good without glorifying one's self?  Daily I wonder how I would treat one of the people I disagree with if they should show up unexpectedly at my door.  I question my hospitality.

     I am in search of a world where decency is practiced and honored.  I want to be what use to be called "classy."  Once, when I was younger someone told me I had class and it was one of the best compliments I ever received.  Today, after thinking about myself and how I often react to things, I know the compliment no longer applies.  Maybe getting my class back will help me see my fellow humans as deserving of respect again.  Maybe practicing the art of tact and the age old custom of hospitality I can regain some civility in my world.

     I want to have a dialogue about what being a tactful, hospitable person means and I promise to listen and respond respectfully.  I'm hoping there are more people who feel as I do.  Are you out there?  Do you hear me?  Is there still a place in the world for courtesy-for-courtesy sake and respect for all humans even if we disagree on philosophical ideology?  How does one act hospitably when ideologies differ? Should one even attempt to be hospitable to those whose views differ? How does one tactfully deal with life now that we have so few personal boundaries?  If I act hospitable, hold my tongue, and act in a cultured manner will my world be a kinder one?  Even if I succeed in my daily life at being more hospitable and tactful will it make a difference?  I don't know, but I think it's worth a try.